Real Life E® » Psychology

Relationships and Stress

reallifee — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:36:57 +0000

When you’re feeling stressed, you need the support of friends and family the most. The only problem is that this is usually when you least feel like taking the time, or even having the time, to connect. But don’t stress! Below, Work/Life Balance Coach Elizabeth Grace Saunders, shares her secrets for relationship success:

It’s the stuff movies are made of…

Almost every good plot line includes something about relationships with friends, family members, colleagues or significant others.

And it’s truly a gift to have people that care about you, who want to spend time with you and notice what you do or don’t do. In a way, it’s a validation that your life matters and has significance.

But when you find yourself feeling time pressured, the treasure of relationships can start to feel like an oppressive burden.

In these situations, common (but often unhealthy) responses to additional requests or perceived request on your time are to:

Silently withdraw
Resentfully complete the activity
Sharply lash out

These type of reactions then start to drive a wedge between you and the person on the receiving end and can leave you feeling guilty and frustrated.

But there is a better way.

Here are four steps for completing a sleight of mind trick when you feel overwhelmed by requests from those around you.

1. Treasure the Gift: The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. Take a moment to appreciate the presence of someone in your life who notices how you spend your time.

2. Consider Your Options: Reflect on the situation and consider whether anything could change. Could you come home earlier? Would you be able to spend less time in front of the computer?

3. Express Your Perspective: Instead of assuming the other person can naturally see the pressure that you’re experiencing, commit to expressing what’s going on inside you. It could sound something like this: “I really appreciate that you want to spend more time with me, and I feel badly that I can’t meet all of your requests because of ______. Are there any particular ways I can show you that you are a priority to me?”

4. Keep Your Commitments: When you say you will do something, follow through. Even if you have to say, “No,” sometimes, people will appreciate it when they can rely on you to stick to your, “Yes.”

Following these four steps, will help you to feel better about your relationships and about yourself. This sleight of mind is not about “being fake” but about choosing how you will respond when you experience the sensation of feeling pressured.

Personal and professional relationships are an investment of time and energy.

But they are worth it.

In some ways the movies are right: your relationships with people that matter to you make the best plot lines–make sure they’re part of your life story.

To your brilliance!

Elizabeth Grace

About Real Life E®

Elizabeth has appeared in Inc magazine, The Chicago Tribune, and on NBC. She was selected as one of the Top 25 Amazing Women of 2010 by Stiletto Woman and as a member of the Young Entrepreneurs Council featured in The New York Times, Forbes, Mashable, and many other media outlets.

Elizabeth’s time coaching clients have the opportunity to go through her exclusive Schedule Makeover^TM life transformation process through phone coaching and custom action guides or in-person training.

Work Better, Not Longer

reallifee — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 19:32:40 +0000

You don’t have to work 24/7 to get better at something. Instead, concentrate on the quality and focus you bring to your work hours.

In his recent article, “If You’re Busy, You’re Doing Something Wrong: The Surprisingly Relaxed Lives of Elite Achievers,” Study Hacks Blog expert, Cal Newport describes this unique phenomena. With a few tweaks to your practice, you can improve the effectiveness of your work. So check out Cal’s article and accomplish more with peace and confidence today!

About Real Life E®

Why Even Your Surgeon Has a Coach

reallifee — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 20:35:10 +0000

That’s right! We all need coaches. Work/life balance coach and time management expert, Elizabeth Grace Saunders, describes the amazing physical and emotional benefits of coaching…

How would you feel if you knew your surgeon had a coach?

It’s natural if your first thought was: What’s wrong?

But according to Atul Gawande in his excellent article in The New Yorker about Coaching a Surgeon: What Makes Top Performers Better, you should be thrilled.

Atul found that coaching really helped him transcend a plateau in his surgeries.

I agree that coaching can absolutely help you move to the next level.

But I’ve also found that coaching can lead to brilliant results as a sort of physical therapy or occupational therapy.

Here’s what I mean:

Physical therapy: Sometimes due to our natural abilities or some major challenge that we’ve faced, our habits are too weak to support us in a healthy way. (For instance, many of my clients need strength training to “build” their planning muscles.)

Occupational therapy: A coach can help you when major life changes or increases in responsibility require developing new ways of thinking and acting. This is when your life went to the next level but no one gave you the instructions on how to operate in this new stratosphere!

In my experience, both with coaching others and with receiving coaching myself, it can feel a bit embarrassing at first to admit that you really are not sure how to improve. But once you are working alongside someone who understands how to navigate the territory and will encourage you to not give up when it’s hard, everything comes sooo much easier.

To your brilliance!

Elizabeth Grace

About Real Life E®

Vacation Disconnect

reallifee — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 20:30:15 +0000

Even if you can’t take an out-of-town trip, you deserve some”unplugged” time. Check out expert time coach, Elizabeth Grace Saunders’ reflections and how-to suggestions on untethering yourself from your electronic devices.

I recently had a Real Holiday…one where I left behind my computer and all of my other mobile devices.

Was it unnerving to think about disconnecting from the world? Absolutely.

Prior to leaving, these type of voices ran through my head:

It’s so difficult to prepare for technology-free time.
What if someone needs me?
They’ll be soooo much to catch up on when I return.

But I chose to not let fear of being out-of-complete-control stop me from letting go and ended up making an interesting observation in the process: Even though I have good boundaries with technology (no e-mail pop-up alerts, no instant messaging, etc.), some part of me feels constantly on alert when I’m constantly connected.

Within even a few hours of weaning myself off of technology, I sensed an “inversion” of my focus–in a good way. My thoughts and feelings shifted from a vast network of people and priorities to a greater awareness of myself and my surroundings. In turning my devices off, I was able to turn on my ability to experience the moment and be completely present.

Although an “unplugged” holiday might not fit into your schedule right now, I highly recommend that you test out this principle in your own life. Investing time in intentional detachment can help you unwind and connect with yourself.

Here are some tips on how to refresh:

Set aside a block of time free from outside obligations. A day or more is best but even a few hours in the morning or evening will do.
Switch off and–better yet–remove yourself from connected devices. For instance, if you’re cocooning at home, leave your devices in the office. Or if you’re heading out, leave your computer and phone at home.
Keep a journal close at hand to record your thoughts.
Give yourself permission to connect with your intuition and do what you feel like doing in the moment from taking a walk to working on a creative project to staring out into space.
As you near the end of your time, jot down a short list of what you’ll need to do upon “re-entry” so you don’t fear the transition into a fully connected existence.

Time away from technology acts as a “re-set” button that leaves you better connected with yourself and better able to connect with others.

To your brilliance!

Elizabeth Grace

About Real Life E®

Elizabeth on Forbes: Do You Feel Like You’re Always Working?

reallifee — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 17:49:26 +0000

Even though you may love your job, sometimes the perpetual cycle of work, work, and more work can be just too much. You don’t want to be consumed by work, but somewhere along the way, it just happened. You need to find some balance. Pronto! Otherwise, you’re in danger of burning out.

Fortunately,there are a few simple adjustments to your mindset and daily schedule that can make a big difference. In her newest article, “Why Does it Feel like I’m Always Working?” featured on Forbes.com, expert time coach and work-life balance master, Elizabeth Grace Saunders, discusses simple solutions you can start implementing today. Overcome feelings of guilt, and tactfully stop over-committing by setting boundaries. You can work hard but still have time to play hard- every day!

So take a break from your work, and check out Elizabeth’s Forbes Article now.

About Real Life E®

Elizabeth Grace Saunders is the founder and CEO of Real Life E®, which provides life coaching for individuals who struggle with time management.

Real Life E® empowers individuals who feel guilty, overwhelmed and frustrated to feel peaceful, confident and accomplished through an exclusive Schedule Makeover^TM process. Real Life E® also increases employee productivity, satisfaction and work/life balance through custom training programs.

Elizabeth’s time coaching clients have the opportunity to go through her exclusive Schedule Makeover^TM life transformation process through phone coaching and custom action guides or in-person training.

Elizabeth’s Guide to Setting Boundaries and Saying No

reallifee — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:50:08 +0000

Elizabeth Grace Saunders, Speaker, Trainer, Coach, Owner of Real Life E®

In her article, “Setting Boundaries & Saying No…Nicely,” expert time coach Elizabeth Grace Saunders explains how to navigate situations where it could be difficult to say, “No.” Check out this article for professional, courteous scripts that you can use for e-mail or in-person responses.

Stop stretching yourself too thin, and say “YES!” to reading Elizabeth’s article on The 99%!

About Real Life E®

Hope for Clients Battling Depression

reallifee — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 20:20:01 +0000

Shorter days and colder weather can be a bit of a let down for many people. However if you struggle with depression, the changing seasons may not only dampen your spirit but also disrupt your time management, work/life balance, and strong relationship building attempts.

Fortunately, you can find tools and support to function during the darker months of the year. Check out the links below to learn more about depression, and discover helpful resources.

Be gentle with yourself, and hang in there! Spring’s around the corner! To your brilliance!

The Mayo Clinic’s Comprehensive Overview: clear educational summary, including info about symptoms, treatment, causes, and coping.

Check out the links at the bottom of the page to learn more about other types of depression including:

Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD)

Dysthesmia

Atypical (surprisingly, very typical!)

Postpartum

Male Depression

Other Resources:

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Self-Help and Coping Tips

Living with a Depressed Partner

About Real Life E®

Help for ADD/ADHD Clients

reallifee — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:05:06 +0000

Time Management can be a challenge for anyone, but staying on task can be especially difficult for those struggling with ADD or ADHD.

But there’s hope! Elizabeth has experience working with clients of all different personality types and learning styles. The key to change is recognizing the challenge and finding a solution that works best for you. Check out some of the resources below to learn more about ADD/ADHD, to understand how it may have an impact on your work/life balance, and to connect with others who are struggling with some of the same difficulties. To your brilliance!

The Mayo Clinic’s Comprehensive Overview of Adult ADHD: easy-to-grasp educational resource, including info about symptoms, causes, diagnosis, and treatment

Adult ADD/ADHD: symptoms, treatment, and other resources

Positive/Negative ADD Traits: One adult’s experience living with ADD

Attention Deficit Disorder Association: Online community of resources

About Real Life E®

Elizabeth Grace Saunders is the founder and CEO of Real Life E® a time coaching and training company that empowers individuals who feel guilty, overwhelmed and frustrated to feel peaceful, confident and accomplished through an exclusive Schedule Makeover^TM process. Real Life E® also increases team productivity, employee satisfaction and work/life balance through custom training programs.
Elizabeth has appeared in Inc magazine, The Chicago Tribune, and on NBC. She was selected as one of the Top 25 Amazing Women of 2010 by Stiletto Woman and as a member of the Young Entrepreneurs Council featured in The New York Times, Forbes, Mashable, and many other media outlets.

Ditching the Dread… Of Success

reallifee — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 15:04:02 +0000

We’ve all experienced that roller coaster of project-related emotions at some point in life. While performing at the top of your game is initially empowering and motivating, the pressure to continually outperform yourself can be debilitating. An activity that once filled you with joy, confidence, and a sense of accomplishment now fills you with dread. Well, it’s time to ditch that dread and gain your confidence back! In her recent newsletter, Elizabeth describes the inspirational turnaround of a wonderful client. Try out some of the tools and strategies in the latest client success story below.

Starting a new project in an area where you have excelled but almost killed yourself in the process is terrifying …

What if you can’t produce the same level of results?
What if you lose yourself and quality relationships in the process?
What if you end up feeling terrible the entire time you’re doing the work?

These are all valid feelings when your past experience tells you that the only way to get big projects done is to work at a frenzied pace.

Fortunately, there’s a better way.

Last winter, I worked with a successful, well-published writer who also taught in a university graduate school Masters of Fine Arts program. She was stuck.

“I am scattered and making erratic progress with this or that. I want to make solid steps forward. I want to reclaim my life and place in the literary firmament, get healthy and in shape, and have fun!”

She also had just been diagnosed with ADHD and was wondering how much of an impact ADHD had on her life-long frustrations with writing and other areas of her life. One of her most important goals was to move forward on her next big creative project–a collection of linked short stories. It had been a long time since her first book had been published, and she needed to regain professional momentum…

“My friends are mostly writers and successful. I have lots of ink in the New York Times that I have written and that has been written about me. So I have talent. I also need to know what I need to do, like a solid schedule? work impulsively? Okay I know the answer to that.”

She did know the answer, but turning the answer into practical action took time coaching… We came up with an initial plan of how she could get in a good, solid, writing time in the morning. Then each week, we worked on assessing the results and evaluating how to move forward based on what happened.

“I found the process very stabilizing because I tend to be all over the place with trying things. You were able to roll with the way I operate and yet be a strong force in your own right. It was helpful having you to run things off of, especially when I got stuck–which was about every week.”

We worked together on different morning writing routines. The first involved: drinking coffee, eating breakfast, taking the dog out, meditating, getting dressed, and then starting to write. The second involved just getting coffee and starting to write. The end result was a fusion of the two with pouring a cup of coffee, meditating a bit, taking out the dog and then writing.

The end goal wasn’t to have this creative writer crammed into a rigid schedule but to have something that turned writing (her top professional priority) from a dreaded activity to a peaceful part of her daily schedule.

Over the course of our work together, she found that if she followed her morning routine and put herself in her writing space for two hours (with a timer set), the inspiration came and the writing moved forward.

Writing didn’t need to be something that she dreaded.
Writing didn’t need to be something that took over her life.
Writing could be something she choose to move forward on each day.

At last! Freedom to do quality work without losing herself, her relationships or her sanity was possible!

“I’ve found that the actual schedule that I longed for would absolutely drive me around the bend so I have a flexitarian schedule and am getting things done.”

“Having and sticking with a schedule is the single most important thing I can do for myself as an artist, as a woman living a rather complex and exciting life, and as someone newly aware that many of my problems stem from having ADHD. Nothing, nothing, nothing will move me forward like following my schedule will. Period.”

The same could be true for you.

You can take away the fear surrounding moving forward on a big project by developing, practicing and adjusting your custom routines.

To your brilliance!

Elizabeth

About Real Life E®

Elizabeth Grace Saunders is the founder and CEO of Real Life E®, which provides life coaching for individuals who struggle with time management.

Meet Joe: A True Success Story

reallifee — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 19:50:14 +0000

Often, being busy, busy, busy with everything under the sun is perceived as making someone highly successful. The more you can juggle, the better you are, right? Wrong.

Just because you have the drive to try and do everything for everyone does not at all mean that you should. In her latest newsletter, Elizabeth describes how one of her coaching client’s “successes” actually held him back. Check out Elizabeth’s article below to see how you can be succesful, and still feel in control. To work-life brilliance!

When Joe reached out to me this February…

He had a lot going for him such as:

A cool job at a small biotech company
A lot of flexibility in his hours
Tons of variety in his work, including some graphic design
Dogs and cats that made him happy
Volunteer opportunities with a local political organization

The only problem was that he couldn’t enjoy any of it because he constantly felt overloaded. As Joe said in his initial e-mail to me:

“I know I have so much potential, but I try to make everyone happy, and I lose out. I think the better I get at things, the less time I have. Now I’m getting too good, and I’m suffering for it. It feels like some kind of ceiling…

I never have time for anything. What would you recommend for me?”

After completing a free phone consultation with Joe to make sure that I understood his situation, I recommended my three-month time coaching program. Joe agreed that it was exactly what he needed.

During these weekly sessions, we worked through my proven Schedule Makeover^TM system. Each week was an opportunity to talk through a challenge and develop a custom solution for Joe to implement such as daily planning, taking time for exercise, getting to bed earlier or having time for friends on the weekends.

“I can’t believe the program went by so fast and how small, incremental changes really made a difference in my thought process about being organized.

I learned not to be so hard on myself and that I don’t have to be so strict about organizing. There is a gray area where I do have a choice on whether I adhere to fixed schedules or not. That made the process a WHOLE lot less stressful.

I also really realized how irrational the procrastinating ‘voices’ are and how being more organized and more focused can not only make my life less stressful but also the lives of those around me.”

Following his initial three-month program where we established much of the basic structure, Joe chose to sign up for my flexible continuing coaching option. Joe used these sessions at three-week intervals for accountability as he strengthened his new habits and for the opportunity to talk through “refinements.”

For instance during a recent session, we discussed how he was doing better at setting reasonable turn-around deadlines when he received requests through e-mail. But when someone asked him for something in person, his knee jerk response was to always agree to something on a short deadline.

We talked through what was going on below the surface and developed a better “knee-jerk” response. Here’s what we came up with that still made Joe seem approachable but gave him time to think through his answer about projects:

“If you send me the details in an e-mail, it will be easier for me to give you a definite answer. Does that sound reasonable?”

I’m really proud of Joe for the changes he’s made in his life, not only in being effective at work but in not burning out so he can enjoy life outside the office. At the conclusion of his flexible coaching program this month, he’ll be wrapping up coaching but continue to have the support of his new time management routines.

“Work has been less stressful, and I’ve been more productive and efficient. I worry less about missing something important. I get more exercise by walking the dogs more often, and I’m working on things that I had put off for months or even years…

Having gone from disorganized and stressed to sane and more relaxed, I honestly don’t know what could have made the experience any better…”

I’m super proud of Joe and my other coaching clients like him who have worked with me on the transformation from burnt-out to brilliant.

May this give you hope that change is possible for you too!

To your brilliance!

Elizabeth